Trying
to Get Back Into YouTrying to get back into you,
You led me down some dark path —
Mounds covering all the old graves,
Off in the periphery.
We came passionately clinging together
Against the cold night,
Digging furiously into the earth.
Our fierce fingers ripped into the scarred flesh
Each driving piercing pains into old wounds.
Wanting what you had thrown away
That I had long since lost;
Trying blindly, hoping for innocence.
So alone, each grasping in discontent,
No longer happy in this forbidden union.
I stare delirious at stars spinning above
Your mouth pressed to mine
Spitting into me all your guilt and shame
Wrongness swallowing endless wrong
In death clinging, slipping away.
Growing up and out and inside of me is this
Empty burning hole
That you dive your regret into fully.
With every movement you move farther from me,
Awful neglect and insistence;
I know it's no longer in you.
Incompetently wishing, if only...
And you clasp my hand weakly,
I agree, no, it must not be.
Stumbling together apart back towards town
And our respective homes waiting in silence.
And I mumble painfully singing endless
Questioning confusion against this castle's ruins.
You're running skipping tripping clutching
At some hollow principle justified.
I cannot think, can only wonder what this
Does to me, does not do, will do later,
Can only vaguely rush back to memories
Or fantasies of doing so well without you.
Recognizing a tangled mess of sticky lies
Fooling yourself you're telling me,
But I'm lying face down in the puddle of your world.
You parade about the mounds
Filling my head with voices and whispers I can't understand.
Wish you'd make up your mind,
Please stay forever or disappear dead;
For your time to be with me is too much to bear
Yet eternally never enough...