Nothing
and NeverI was running, no maybe I was walking. I could have been smiling, but I felt no smile. Inside-out, I was impatient to get to the inside from the outside, and I ended up sitting here, my arms wrapped round me in a tight ball. No Love Here. The signs said things, and I believed some of them. I did not know how else I would come to believe.
Nothing, hello, Nothing, you are dark, and you remind me of something: the nonspecific 'n' of mathematics. Anything, limitless contradiction upon contradiction, canceling itself out and you are the result. Nothing. My eyes are wide open, staring into the blackness of blurred vision, focused on a point straight ahead. Nothing could possibly invade my personal space. You already had.
Perfectly still, I had finished my gyroscopic twisting and fitful shaking. Perfectly silent, I had finished my harsh shouting and futile poetry. A deathly calm emanated from my stomach and floated 'round me like a perfect shell. I may be alive. The grip was very tight, holding onto reality (a snowman awaiting spring). My breathing is regular. I am melting slowly, breaking down, smaller and smaller, passing out of existence, replaceable next winter... yet, never the same.
Never, you drag me down into the suck of hopelessness. I salute your proud insolence in the face of life. As I salute flags dividing nations. You divide me from my rightful pursuits and my joy. I cannot care. I am thinking; I am breathing; I could be alive. Wrapping 'round my hand a dark string; I am cutting off the circulation, one joint at a time. I cannot see the changing color in the dark, but I can imagine.
Think back to the silly dreams, and I laugh quietly to see myself, suddenly, sitting here alone, but not lonely, empty but capable, cold but not shivering, injured but not angry; smiling, maybe still dreaming... despite everything.